Suicide Warning Signs in a Family Member: What to Say and Do
If you’re reading this because someone at home worries you, start here: if they may be in danger right now, stay with them and call your local emergency number (1122 in Pakistan, 112 in India) or a crisis line. Suicide warning signs include talking about wanting to die or being a burden, feeling trapped or hopeless, withdrawing, giving things away and sudden calm after a dark spell. You can help by asking directly, listening without arguing, removing dangerous means and getting professional help the same day.
If you only read one box
- Ask directly: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” Asking does not put the idea in their head.
- Stay: don’t leave them alone if the risk feels high.
- Remove means: pesticides, stored medicines, ropes, sharp tools, weapons.
- Get help: Umang 0311-7786264 (Pakistan), Tele-MANAS 14416 (India), emergency 1122 / 112. Check the current number.
Signs someone may be suicidal
NIMH groups warning signs into what people say, how they feel and how they behave. Signs matter most when they’re new or getting worse.
What they say
- Wanting to die, or “it would be better if I wasn’t here”.
- Feeling like a burden to the family.
- Intense guilt or shame.
How they seem
- Hopeless, empty or trapped, with no reason to live.
- Very anxious, agitated or full of rage.
- In pain, emotional or physical, that feels unbearable.
What they do
- Searching for ways to die, or making a plan.
- Withdrawing from people, saying goodbyes, giving away prized things, writing a will.
- Reckless risks, sharp mood swings, sleeping or eating much more or less, using more alcohol or drugs.
In men, distress often shows as anger, irritability and drinking rather than tears; see depression signs in men. In teenagers and young women, look also at eating and self-harm; our eating disorder signs page covers that overlap.
Myth: asking about suicide puts the idea in their head
A review of the research by Dazzi and colleagues (Psychological Medicine, 2014) found no evidence that asking about suicide increases suicidal thoughts, and the authors suggest talking about it may even reduce such thoughts. Vague questions (“you’re not thinking of doing anything silly, are you?”) invite a quick “no”.
How to talk to someone who may be suicidal
- Choose a private moment. A drive, a walk, the roof at night. Not in front of the family.
- Say what you’ve noticed. “You’ve stopped eating with us and you said last week you’re a burden. I’m worried about you.”
- Ask directly. “Sometimes when people feel this bad they think about suicide. Are you thinking about killing yourself?”
- Listen more than you talk. Let silences happen. Don’t argue them out of their feelings.
- Ask about a plan. “Have you thought about how?” A specific plan or access to means raises the urgency.
- Make the next step together. Call a crisis line together, or go to a doctor or emergency department today.
What to say, and what to skip
Say: “Thank you for telling me.” “I’m staying with you.” “We’ll find help together.” “You’re not a burden to me.”
Skip: “Think of what people will say.” “It’s a sin, don’t talk like that.” “Others have it worse.” “You have everything, why are you sad?” “I promise not to tell anyone.” Lectures and shame make people stop talking; secrecy can’t be promised when a life is at risk.
Remove dangerous means at home
WHO lists limiting access to means, including pesticides and certain medicines, as a key prevention step. In homes across South Asia, that often means:
- Pesticides and rat poison: lock them away or take them out of the house entirely.
- Stored medicines: keep only what’s needed, in a locked box, with one person holding the key.
- Weapons: hand them to a trusted relative or remove them for now.
- Ropes, acids, blades: put out of sight and reach.
Moments of crisis can pass. Distance from means buys time for help to arrive.
Self-harm in teenagers
Cuts or burns on arms and thighs, long sleeves in hot weather, locked doors, blood on tissues. Self-harm isn’t always suicidal, but it always means serious distress. Stay calm, care for any wound, and get the teen to a doctor or counsellor. Don’t punish or confiscate everything in anger.
After the conversation
Keep checking in daily. Help with practical barriers: booking the appointment, going with them, covering transport. Look after yourself too; supporting someone at risk is heavy. For ongoing low mood, see when sadness becomes depression and stress, depression and appetite loss. More guides in Mind & Everyday Psychology.
They have a plan, have the means, have tried before, say goodbye, or seem suddenly calm after a long dark period. Stay with them, remove means, and call 1122 (Pakistan), 112 (India) or your local emergency number, or go to the nearest emergency department. Crisis lines: Umang 0311-7786264 (Pakistan), Tele-MANAS 14416 (India); numbers can change, so check the current one. This page is for families and friends; it can’t assess risk. Only a trained professional can.
Questions families ask
What are the warning signs that someone is suicidal?
Talking about wanting to die or being a burden, feeling hopeless or trapped, withdrawing, giving things away, saying goodbye, reckless behaviour, big changes in sleep or eating, and more drinking. New or worsening signs matter most.
How do I talk to someone who is suicidal?
Choose a private time, say what you’ve noticed, ask directly about suicide, listen without arguing, and make a plan together to get help today. Your calm presence matters more than perfect words.
Does asking about suicide make it more likely?
No. A research review found no evidence that asking increases suicidal thoughts. Asking clearly often brings relief and opens the door to help.
What is the suicide helpline in Pakistan?
Umang’s helpline is 0311-7786264; check the current number before you need it, as lines can change. In an emergency, call 1122 or go to the nearest hospital emergency department.
Where can I get crisis help in India?
Tele-MANAS, the government mental health helpline, is reachable at 14416; check the current number. For immediate danger, call 112 or go to an emergency department.
What should I not say to a suicidal person?
Avoid shame, guilt, religious lectures, comparisons with others’ problems, and promises of total secrecy. These usually make people stop talking.
What are signs of self-harm in a teenager?
Unexplained cuts or burns, long sleeves in heat, hiding blades, locking themselves away, and blood on tissues or clothes. Respond calmly, tend wounds, and get professional help.
Should I keep it secret if they ask me to?
No, not when a life may be at risk. Tell them kindly that you care too much to keep it to yourself, and involve a professional or a trusted adult.
What if they refuse to get help?
Stay connected, keep means out of reach, and keep offering. If the risk is immediate, call emergency services or take them to an emergency department even if they object.