Grandparents Looking After Grandchildren: The Day Taken Apart
Across Pakistan and India, grandparents looking after grandchildren while parents work is ordinary family life. Nani and dadi bring love, patience and decades of practice. The routine also asks a lot of a 60 or 70-year-old body, and some feeding and sleep advice has changed since they raised their own children. Here is a typical day, step by step, with an honest verdict on each part.
The day in verdicts
- Lifting a toddler from the floor: depends on how. Lift from chair height where you can.
- Baby sleeping on a pillow or propped up: skip it. Flat, firm, on the back.
- Honey under 1 year, or ghutti and water under 6 months: skip it.
- Grandparents’ own medicines on the bedside table: skip it. Keep them high and locked.
- Grandparent napping when the child naps: worth it.
Prefer to listen? This post as a 7 min video · Watch the video
Step 1: The morning handover
Parents rush out; the baby or toddler comes over with a bag. Verdict: worth it, with a list. A short note taped to the fridge saves arguments: feeding times, nap time, what the child can and can’t eat, allergies, the doctor’s number and both parents’ numbers. Grandparents shouldn’t have to remember everything.
Step 2: Lifting, carrying and bending
A toddler weighs as much as a large sack of atta, and it wriggles. Most grandparent back strain comes from the repeated lift from floor level, often with a twist.
- Lift from chair height: sit on a chair or the sofa edge and have the child climb onto your lap, rather than bending to the floor.
- Change nappies on a raised surface: a bed or table at waist height with a hand always on the child, never leaving them for a second.
- When you must lift from low: bend at the knees, hold the child close to your chest, and turn with your feet, not your waist.
- Use the pram or a walker frame for distance: don’t carry a toddler around the market.
Verdict: depends on the method. With these changes, many grandparents carry on comfortably. Without them, back pain builds quickly.
Step 3: Feeding the old way
This is where generational advice clashes most. Some traditions are fine; some have changed for good reasons.
- Nothing but milk under 6 months: no water, ghutti, gripe water, honey, sugar water or tea. Breast milk or formula is all a young baby needs.
- Honey never under 1 year, not even a lick on a dummy, because of the risk of infant botulism.
- From 6 months: soft, mashed home food, introduced gradually. Our weaning first foods plan lays it out by week.
- Choking: no whole nuts under 5, cut grapes lengthways into quarters, and never let a child eat while running or lying down.
- Force-feeding: skip it. Children know when they’ve had enough.
Verdict on the old rules: keep the love, update the list.
Step 4: Nap time and safe sleep
Many grandparents raised babies on soft gadda mattresses with a pillow, or propped on the side. The NHS advice today is clear: always put a baby on their back to sleep, feet at the foot of the cot, on a firm, flat mattress, with no pillows, duvets, bumpers or soft toys. Never tilt or prop the cot. Verdict on the old way: skip it.
And for the grandparent: when the child naps, rest too. Verdict: worth it. Housework can wait half an hour.
The “high shelf” safety sweep
Walk through the house at a toddler’s eye level, on your knees if you can. Look for anything reachable: blood pressure tablets in a bowl on the table, a pill organiser on the bedside, cough syrup, mosquito repellent, phenyl and surface cleaner under the sink. Move all of it to a high shelf or a locked box. Medicines taken every day tend to sit out in the open, which is exactly what makes them easy for small hands to reach.
Step 5: The grandparent’s own health
Babysitting can quietly push a grandparent’s own care down the list: missed medicine doses, skipped meals, no walk. Verdict: skip that trade-off. Take your own medicines at your usual times; set a phone alarm if the day is chaotic. If stairs, floors or bathrooms feel risky, see our guide to bathroom safety for older adults, which helps both generations.
Step 6: The tiredness that builds by Thursday
Five full days of childcare at 65 is a job. Many grandparents won’t complain because they love it and don’t want to let anyone down. Verdict: depends on the hours. Families can share the load: a day off in the week, a parent doing bedtime, or help with the cooking. When looking after someone becomes overwhelming, the patterns in caregiver burnout can apply here too.
| Part of the day | Verdict | Change |
|---|---|---|
| Lifting from floor | Depends | Lap from chair height |
| Under-6-month feeds | Milk only | No water or ghutti; no honey under 1 year |
| Baby sleep | Update | Back, flat, firm, bare cot |
| Medicines in reach | Skip | High shelf, locked box |
| Grandparent rest | Worth it | Nap with the child |
What this routine does best
Children cared for by loving grandparents get attention, stories, language and a sense of family that no daycare can copy. Grandparents often say the days keep them active and cheerful. The goal is to keep that, while protecting a back, a heart and a baby’s safety.
For the child: call your local emergency number (1122 in Pakistan, 112 in India) for choking that doesn’t clear, breathing difficulty, a fit, unresponsiveness, or if any medicine or chemical may have been swallowed; don’t make them vomit. See a doctor the same day for a fever in a baby under 3 months, a fever of 39 °C or higher, poor feeding, few wet nappies, or a rash that doesn’t fade under a pressed glass. For the grandparent: chest pain, sudden weakness or slurred speech is an emergency; back pain with leg numbness or bladder trouble needs urgent care. Never give a child any medicine without checking the dose by weight with the pack or a pharmacist, and never change your own prescribed medicines without your doctor.
More everyday routines taken apart in Routine Autopsy.
Grandparents and childcare: questions families ask
How can grandparents lift toddlers without hurting their back?
Sit down and let the child climb onto your lap, change nappies at waist height, and when lifting from low, bend your knees and keep the child close. Turn with your feet, not your waist.
Can nani give the baby a little water in summer?
Not under 6 months. Breast milk or formula covers a young baby’s fluid needs even in heat; offer feeds more often instead.
Is it safe to put a baby to sleep on a pillow?
No. Babies should sleep on their back on a firm, flat mattress with no pillow, quilt or soft toys, and the cot should never be tilted.
Can grandparents give honey or ghutti to a newborn?
No. Honey is unsafe under 1 year, and nothing other than milk is needed under 6 months.
How do I keep my own medicines safe from grandchildren?
Store them on a high shelf or in a locked box, never in a bowl or pill organiser on a low table. Put them away straight after taking a dose.
Why do I feel so tired looking after my grandchild?
Full-day childcare is physically demanding at any age. Rest during naps, share days with parents, and see a doctor if tiredness is new or severe.
How should parents and grandparents handle old feeding advice?
Write down the current rules together, kindly, and stick them on the fridge. Most disagreements disappear once everyone sees the same list.
What should grandparents do if a child chokes?
If the child can cough or cry, let them cough. If they can’t breathe, cough or cry, call emergency help and give back blows and chest or abdominal thrusts as taught on a first aid course; a short course is well worth doing.
How many days a week should grandparents babysit?
There’s no fixed rule. It depends on their health and energy; at least one regular day off helps most families keep it sustainable.